Conversation Week

A good question is key to a good conversation. This year we suggest keeping Conversation Week questions open and self organizing: You may wish to begin with our classic, “What do you believe is the most important question we should be discussing?” Or try Vicki’s favorite of 2009, in this year of economic distress: “How much is enough?” Vicki asks, “ In a time of economic uncertainty, when many are having to tighten their belts and temper their expectations - possibly including you - where does a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment come from? when have you had a feeling of satisfaction and contentment, a feeling of “this is enough?” Is “enough” just an internal feeling or are there certain basic rights or possessions we must have - a baseline for sufficiency? Can we legislate “enough”? How much is too much? Is there a level of expansion that’s just excess and inappropriate - be it in your own life or in society or in our economy? What is one thing you might let go of to give you a feeling of ‘enough’? What is one thing you might acquire to have the feeling of ‘enough’?”

What makes a good question for a Conversation Café? One that is…

• Open, without embedded cultural, political or ideological assumptions.
• Inviting both head and heart. People can respond with both their feelings and their thoughts.
• Honest. It has not already been answered conclusively – yet finding an answer is crucial to moving forward.
• Experiential. People can if they choose tell a story or recall an experience that relates to the question.
• Inclusive. Anyone at the table could have something valuable to say – whatever age, race, gender or education level.
• Stimulating. Generates a lively exploration; can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no” or a platitude.
• Relevant. It may be general, but it relates to people’s lives – from the personal to the political to the philosophical.

SO: Pick a question for your Conversation Week dialogue that you think your friends and neighbors would find interesting and fruitful. Whatever question you pick, once you’ve presented it, tell your guests that they can respond with how they feel about the question, what they think about the question or what they are doing – or want to do – as a response to this question. Having thoughts, feelings and ideas for action all present in your conversation will make it richer – and allow everyone to feel comfortable with what they can offer. Remember, the question simply gets the conversation started. No need to “answer” it – or even to stay with it once the conversation is lively. Follow the thread of interest of the group. Return to the question if the conversation gets scattered, superficial or stuck. Otherwise, enjoy the pleasure of shared curiosity and the richness of all the perspectives. Keep in mind: you don’t have to agree or reach a shared conclusion, only listen with respect, speak sincerely and see what you discover about yourself, others or life. We aren’t solving anything other than the quality of civil discourse – we are widening the circles of understanding and care from which solutions that work might be derived

More on making a Better Question from Three Starting Points

If you are alive, you probably have a question in the back of your mind, because questions direct our attention to what’s most important.

Where can I get my next meal? Who will I marry? What’s the best way to expand my business? How can we resolve the conflict in the Middle East? If this winter’s storms are not just weather, but global warming, what changes do we need to make? What is justice?

Some questions are immediate, some pragmatic, some desperate, some about personal problems, some about shared problems, some about big philosophical issues. But not all questions are good for dialogue – a conversation among diverse people focused on seeking truth together.

• “Why can’t we all get along?”
  • Is this a good question? It’s the one Rodney King asked on television after his brutal beating from four police officers was captured on camera and televised. It’s stimulating, relevant, inclusive and honest, but it does have an embedded assumption, which is that we can’t or don’t get along.
  • Better might be, “How can we all get along?” or “How we forgive others for the hurt we have feel in the past?”
• “How can businesses become more socially responsible?” *
  • This question assumes everyone agrees on the need or value for social responsibility.
  • Perhaps, a better place to begin would be something like, “Think of those businesses whose practices you admire. What is most encouraging, reassuring or inspiring for you about how they are run? How is your life affected by the role that businesses play in the world?”
• “How do we reduce the influence of government in civil society?”
  • Can you see the problem? Are you starting to get it? This question imbeds the assumption that there is agreement that the influence of government should be reduced, and avoids exploration of the underlying issues.
  • Consider instead, “What is most encouraging, confusing, or worrisome for you about influence of government in civil society?” Then as a follow up, “How have you experienced the influence of government in your life and how does it reflect your values/?” and/or “How have your responses and concerns shifted over time?”

* These lessons are provided via resources available from The Public Conversations Project where an inspiring article on question framing is available.